Someone recently had the courage to share with me their binging struggle and my heart exploded for them. I have been exactly where they are. And all I want to do is help. So maybe being honest and sharing part of my journey here will help someone else who’s struggling too.
Growing up I never even knew this was a thing. I knew about anorexia and bulimia but never heard about Binge Eating Disorder (BED) until I was going through it. And honestly, I don’t even know where it came from. It started months after I just put so much effort into losing weight. I had just spent a summer living in LA living my absolute best life at the thinnest and healthiest I’d ever been. But when I returned home to finish school for my final semester it started happening.
The interesting part about this was many people would never know it. I was thin, fit and in great shape. But I would go home after work or in the middle of the day and binge uncontrollably on my favorite trigger foods. I can remember sitting at the island in my kitchen at my parents house. I’d fill up a cup of peanut butter, oats, maple syrup, maybe chocolate chips or marshmallows and I’d go to town. It was almost always PB and oats. Those were big triggers for me. But it was also food bars, cereal, bread, you name it. I would eat so much to the point that I would some times throw up. I’d be left with feeling such a sense of guilt, shame, embarrassment and frustration. I’d wake up the next day and swear it wouldn’t happen again but of course it was a matter of time before it did. It was such a vicious cycle for years.
It was some of my most darkest days.
I felt like an imposter. I felt like a failure. I felt alone. I felt weak.
It took years to overcome. But thankfully, I did overcome it. It’s not to say I haven’t over eaten since, but I’ve been able to stop myself from feeling out of control. It’s been about 4-5 years since. I honestly don’t know exactly what helped me stop or when exactly I even did. But I wanted to compile a list of some things I do believe had a part in helping me.
*Please know I am not a doctor and I do feel like a big part of understanding and dealing with BED has to do with psychological changes that should be addressed with a licensed professional. This is just based on my own personal experience and what I feel has helped me.*
Eat more during the day- For a long time I was so restrictive with my calorie intake. I realized by the end of the day I just wasn’t eating enough to fuel my body and keep me full enough to last through the evening.
Eat something that excites you- After spending so many months prepping for fitness competitions and obsessing about extra calories in sauces and seasoning that I cooked so bland and boring that nothing satisfied me. I was always left wanting more. After I finally started eating foods and making meals that were more satiating I was able to walk away without craving more.
Cut out sweetners- I used to chew gum non stop and sweeten drinks with stevia and truvia. I truly believe once I cut out these two things from my diet that I severely stopped craving sweets
Eat what you’re actually craving- Sometimes I would want chocolate so bad but to keep myself from eating it I would end up eating everything else in the house except for the piece of chocolate. And sometimes I’d even still go back for the chocolate at the end because I couldn’t stop craving it. Basically, if I had just allowed myself the piece of chocolate in the first place I could have enjoyed it and moved on without eating everything else first.
Cut out cheat meals- While eating restrictive all week long I used to give myself a cheat meal on the weekend. However, I would often eat so much during that cheat meal that it really became a cheat night or day. And the next morning it was so hard to jump right back on my program that it sometimes took another full day or so to get back to eating right. I finally swapped out my “cheats” for intuitively eating and I can honestly say that I can still eating a small piece of chocolate everyday and still lose weight and be happy.
Understand this is not the last time you’ll ever eat again- Family parties and special occasions used to be a struggle. I would eat so much and stuff my face as if it was the last time I was going to ever eat these foods again. Once I finally made up my mind and decided that I didn’t want to feel this way again, it got a lot easier. I know there will be cake and sweets and even my most favorite desserts at more future parties. It’s ok to say no and wait till next time and it’s also ok to eat the cake and move on from it, knowing there will be more at the next party.
Books, meetings, support systems- I literally tried everything. I was so sick of living this way that I went to overeaters anonymous meetings, read books on how to stop binge eating, saw councilors, nutritionists and sought support from a few close people in my life. There are so many recourses available to us. I truly believe when you’re dealing with a disorder, it is important to get help from a licensed professional who specializes in what you’re dealing with. Don’t stop until you find a group, a book or a professional who jives with you and can help you out.
I hope this list helps. I know what works for someone may not work for another. Don’t give up until you find what works for you and please feel free to share more ideas and tips if you’ve overcome this isolating eating disorder.